Bumps in the night? Doors mysteriously slamming? All par for the course in a haunted house. But what if your ghost seems to have…opinions? Unnecessary, antiquated, wildly out-of-place opinions? Yes, dear readers, today we’re venturing into uncharted territories of the paranormal: how to tell if your house is haunted by a homophobe. Because, let’s face it, if you’re going to cohabit with Casper, you’d at least want them to be woke, right?
How to Tell If Your House is Haunted by A Homophobe
It can be hard to determine what kind of sectre is haunting your house let alone whether they might be anti-LGBT+. It important to remember that these spirits came from a different time and place. I’m in no excusing them or their behaviour but it might be difficult to zero in on as they are probably racist and misogynistic as well. That’s why we’ve put together this helpful list of ways to tell if your house is haunted by a homophobe.
The Closet is a No-Go Zone
First off, if every time you approach the closet, the temperature drops, and you hear disapproving moans, it might not be just because of that ’80s neon windbreaker you can’t let go of. Your spectral roommate could be protesting more than your fashion sense. Closets, known in the living world as gateways to expression, might just be ticking off your intolerant poltergeist. There’s also a good chance that your ghost is trapped in the closet!
Rainbow Repellent
Ever noticed your Pride flag always ends up inexplicably on the floor? Or maybe your collection of fabulous glittery makeup keeps getting mysteriously messed up? If pictures of beloved queer icons, books supporting LGBT+ lifestyles or anything else pro-gay keeps getting messed with but everything else is fine, you probably have a homophobic ghost. Well, it seems like someone’s not a fan of fabulousness. Typical haunted houses have spirits that dislike holy water, but homophobic haunts? They can’t seem to handle rainbows, glitter, or sexually explicit.
Editor's Picks
EVPs (Electronic Voice Phenomena) or… Unsolicited Opinions?
Ghost hunters often use voice recorders to catch ghostly whispers. If your EVP sessions include anything along the lines of “Back in my day…” or “I don’t agree with their lifestyle,” or “it’s a choice,” there’s a chance you’re dealing with a haunt that’s stuck in more ways than one.
Possessed Playlists
You try to play Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way,” but your music system gets possessed and switches to straight-laced tunes from the 1950s. Your ghost has…specific tastes.
Haunted Heteronormativity
You set up a romantic dinner for your same-sex partner, complete with candles. But the moment you leave the room, you return to find everything inexplicably rearranged into a ‘friend’s night’ setup. Your ghost is really pushing the “just friends” narrative.
Pronoun Poltergeist
Inexplicable writing on mirrors and walls? That’s freaky enough, but especially shitty when they KEEP misgendering you! Crusty old ghost! You don’t really even have genitals anymore what do you mean you can’t grasp the spectrum? We would expect better from someone who passed beyond the veil…
Author: Jeff Wilson
Jeff is one of the owners of GayDenver and one of its writers. He is a Denver transplant who loves the city and the proximity of the mountains. He is happily married to his husband and loves hiking with his furbaby Thayella.